33
"Life is a lot like toilet paper- the closer you are to the end of the roll, the faster it seems to run out."
My father, who had the tendency to teach me in cliché, felt this quote was the best way to sum up his 58 years. I gotta hand it to pops- at least he's making an attempt at metaphor.
Tomorrow, I turn 33 years old. And true enough to my father's adage, I can recall how the years seemed to drag when I was 10 compared to how my 20's just seemed to fly by so fast I can't differentiate what I did at 23 to what I did at 28. In fact, it really DOES feel like it was only yesterday that I turned 23 thinking, "Great, my car insurance is going to drop!" and here I am 10 years later wondering why I no longer have the urge to drive a car past 100 mph and cursing at those who are for cutting me off. Give me the option of hitting the club and partying until 4 am or going to the pool hall for drinks and pool hall wins every time...less hassle, more parking. And yeah, I miss 90's music and I think today's music (with some exceptions) are crap and kids dress like idiots (forgetting that my era once thought it was cool to wear pants backwards and wear beepers on their boots).
But I don't think this has to do with getting old. I think this has more to do with nostalgia. The things we love are the things that ended up shaping us as adults. Our teen and young adult years were our most formidable years- what we did, saw, heard, experienced- they all had an impact on who we became which is why we tend to look back on those years as the best years of our lives.
Life isn't over yet, though. And to think such things at 33 is a sure fire way to speed up the rest of your life (I'll be 43 in just a blink if I'm not careful.) Instead, I'd rather live and believe each year will just get better and better and life still has something big planned for me. It's not about being in denial that we're getting older- it's about KNOWING that age has never had anything to do with youth. I feel young because I AM young...at least by the standards of life lessons I've still yet to learn. I know there will still be things I'll learn at 50 that I never figured out before. So the key is to keep your eye open, pay attention to your surroundings, and find new ways each year to elevate your hustle.
Which leads me to this: 2009 sucked! Though there were certain highlights (BET J Lyric Cafe taping, APCA National Conference, GK Benefit Concert in UNF), for the most part, the whole year just felt like one day repeating into the next. It's mostly my fault- getting too comfortable, getting too complacent, losing sight of goals, choosing stability over risk. I guess we all get that way from time to time- but maybe that's the problem. We forget to elevate...we figure it's safer to be content where we're at until the years roll by and we find ourselves in the same position we found ourselves years ago and then wonder why life just seems to pass us by quicker the older we get. We find ourselves saying that it's all downhill from here despite that we haven't even reached the top yet. We're going up halfway and deciding that time is telling us that it's time to start coming back down.
When we were young, the days went slower because we didn't know what awaited us the next day. Each day in school was drama, the weekends were full of parties and kissing games, the bike rides seemed like adventures. We were growing up- and along with that came the uneasiness, the fear, the awkwardness, and we couldn't wait to grow up and prove ourselves.
That's how we should be living: always wanting to prove ourselves to ourselves. Push the envelope. Push the boundaries. Elevate the hustle. That's the plan. That's 2010 and every year after. That's me at 33 and 58. So what I'm getting older? Tell em all somehow I'll see them at the top...that is, of course, if they haven't given up yet. Read the full story »
My father, who had the tendency to teach me in cliché, felt this quote was the best way to sum up his 58 years. I gotta hand it to pops- at least he's making an attempt at metaphor.
Tomorrow, I turn 33 years old. And true enough to my father's adage, I can recall how the years seemed to drag when I was 10 compared to how my 20's just seemed to fly by so fast I can't differentiate what I did at 23 to what I did at 28. In fact, it really DOES feel like it was only yesterday that I turned 23 thinking, "Great, my car insurance is going to drop!" and here I am 10 years later wondering why I no longer have the urge to drive a car past 100 mph and cursing at those who are for cutting me off. Give me the option of hitting the club and partying until 4 am or going to the pool hall for drinks and pool hall wins every time...less hassle, more parking. And yeah, I miss 90's music and I think today's music (with some exceptions) are crap and kids dress like idiots (forgetting that my era once thought it was cool to wear pants backwards and wear beepers on their boots).
But I don't think this has to do with getting old. I think this has more to do with nostalgia. The things we love are the things that ended up shaping us as adults. Our teen and young adult years were our most formidable years- what we did, saw, heard, experienced- they all had an impact on who we became which is why we tend to look back on those years as the best years of our lives.
Life isn't over yet, though. And to think such things at 33 is a sure fire way to speed up the rest of your life (I'll be 43 in just a blink if I'm not careful.) Instead, I'd rather live and believe each year will just get better and better and life still has something big planned for me. It's not about being in denial that we're getting older- it's about KNOWING that age has never had anything to do with youth. I feel young because I AM young...at least by the standards of life lessons I've still yet to learn. I know there will still be things I'll learn at 50 that I never figured out before. So the key is to keep your eye open, pay attention to your surroundings, and find new ways each year to elevate your hustle.
Which leads me to this: 2009 sucked! Though there were certain highlights (BET J Lyric Cafe taping, APCA National Conference, GK Benefit Concert in UNF), for the most part, the whole year just felt like one day repeating into the next. It's mostly my fault- getting too comfortable, getting too complacent, losing sight of goals, choosing stability over risk. I guess we all get that way from time to time- but maybe that's the problem. We forget to elevate...we figure it's safer to be content where we're at until the years roll by and we find ourselves in the same position we found ourselves years ago and then wonder why life just seems to pass us by quicker the older we get. We find ourselves saying that it's all downhill from here despite that we haven't even reached the top yet. We're going up halfway and deciding that time is telling us that it's time to start coming back down.
When we were young, the days went slower because we didn't know what awaited us the next day. Each day in school was drama, the weekends were full of parties and kissing games, the bike rides seemed like adventures. We were growing up- and along with that came the uneasiness, the fear, the awkwardness, and we couldn't wait to grow up and prove ourselves.
That's how we should be living: always wanting to prove ourselves to ourselves. Push the envelope. Push the boundaries. Elevate the hustle. That's the plan. That's 2010 and every year after. That's me at 33 and 58. So what I'm getting older? Tell em all somehow I'll see them at the top...that is, of course, if they haven't given up yet. Read the full story »
FLOOD
The day the flood came
I took one final breath
Opened my arms and
Surrendered the levee in my throat
The water came rushing in
Spilled into my lungs
Until the heartstrings snapped
And my ribcage busted open to
Release me
The waves
I can hear them crashing inside my chest
Press me to your ear
You can hear the ocean in my breath
It rolls and swallows
Curling around my stomach the way hunger used to
I couldn’t fight the hunger then
I couldn’t fight this now
Floating face down, I let the waves
Place me in its mouth
Carry me across that salty sea and
Wash me up on the front steps of
Your church
Through the window
I saw you
Pressed my wrinkled fingers against the stained glass
Watched as you clenched your eyes in prayer
Mumbling something about
A promotion and unpaid bills
I wonder
If you knew
That while you were
Praying to God
We were on the outside looking in
Praying to you
I wonder if you knew
God isn’t the one that performs miracles
People do.
You have always been the one
God works our miracles through
We
The forgotten
The children of rock bottom and broken concrete
Our existence scribbled in dirt and
Swallowed by the ocean
Do you see us?
Do you find our names in the middle of your prayers?
Washed up by the flood we have come
A sea of faces with
Sandbags beneath our eyes and
Water in our lungs
We are pounding our muddy hands against your church
The poverty in our fingerprints smudging every inch of stained glass
Have you noticed how sunlight can’t penetrate through?
And still
You wonder why the windows don’t shine like they used to
You wonder why church pews feel so hard on your knees
The weight of a nation forsaken
Laying so heavy on your shoulders
Breathing down your neck, that for
Every time you dip your fingers in holy water to genuflect
The reflection staring back are the faces of prayers you have yet to answer
Every time you bow down at the alter
The Eucharist melting on your tongue
Your shadow is the shape of children like me
Back bent searching for scraps of food behind restaurants
Did you know...
We make our living refrying those scraps
Then sell them to the people in our village?
Did you know...
We sometimes daydream of eating
Until the hunger pangs no longer hurt?
Did you know...
God has never counted
How many Sundays you've spent in church or
How well you've kept your sacraments or
How often you've tithed
The communion will always taste dry
If on your way inside
You ignore
Our starving eyes
Our tattered clothes
Our outstretched arms reaching towards your chest for
You are the miracle that could
Save us
Reach down
If you want to find God
Stop looking up
Look around...
Find him
In the shelters
In the makeshift homes
In the faces of children swallowing the flood they couldn’t outrun
Find him
In the eyes of the mother
Waste high in a sea of floating bodies
Praying to find her son
Tell her
You've found him
Standing on the outside looking in
Fingers pressed to glass
Tell her
How you opened the door
Dried his clothes
Cried his name in prayer so heaven may let him through
And there I will be
Waiting until the moment your own flood comes calling
I will see you
Washed up on heaven’s front steps
God standing at the gates asking if anyone can vouch for
Who you are
And I will step forward
My arms wide open
My skin still drenched
And I will tell Him
You are the reason
I am here. Read the full story »
I took one final breath
Opened my arms and
Surrendered the levee in my throat
The water came rushing in
Spilled into my lungs
Until the heartstrings snapped
And my ribcage busted open to
Release me
The waves
I can hear them crashing inside my chest
Press me to your ear
You can hear the ocean in my breath
It rolls and swallows
Curling around my stomach the way hunger used to
I couldn’t fight the hunger then
I couldn’t fight this now
Floating face down, I let the waves
Place me in its mouth
Carry me across that salty sea and
Wash me up on the front steps of
Your church
Through the window
I saw you
Pressed my wrinkled fingers against the stained glass
Watched as you clenched your eyes in prayer
Mumbling something about
A promotion and unpaid bills
I wonder
If you knew
That while you were
Praying to God
We were on the outside looking in
Praying to you
I wonder if you knew
God isn’t the one that performs miracles
People do.
You have always been the one
God works our miracles through
We
The forgotten
The children of rock bottom and broken concrete
Our existence scribbled in dirt and
Swallowed by the ocean
Do you see us?
Do you find our names in the middle of your prayers?
Washed up by the flood we have come
A sea of faces with
Sandbags beneath our eyes and
Water in our lungs
We are pounding our muddy hands against your church
The poverty in our fingerprints smudging every inch of stained glass
Have you noticed how sunlight can’t penetrate through?
And still
You wonder why the windows don’t shine like they used to
You wonder why church pews feel so hard on your knees
The weight of a nation forsaken
Laying so heavy on your shoulders
Breathing down your neck, that for
Every time you dip your fingers in holy water to genuflect
The reflection staring back are the faces of prayers you have yet to answer
Every time you bow down at the alter
The Eucharist melting on your tongue
Your shadow is the shape of children like me
Back bent searching for scraps of food behind restaurants
Did you know...
We make our living refrying those scraps
Then sell them to the people in our village?
Did you know...
We sometimes daydream of eating
Until the hunger pangs no longer hurt?
Did you know...
God has never counted
How many Sundays you've spent in church or
How well you've kept your sacraments or
How often you've tithed
The communion will always taste dry
If on your way inside
You ignore
Our starving eyes
Our tattered clothes
Our outstretched arms reaching towards your chest for
You are the miracle that could
Save us
Reach down
If you want to find God
Stop looking up
Look around...
Find him
In the shelters
In the makeshift homes
In the faces of children swallowing the flood they couldn’t outrun
Find him
In the eyes of the mother
Waste high in a sea of floating bodies
Praying to find her son
Tell her
You've found him
Standing on the outside looking in
Fingers pressed to glass
Tell her
How you opened the door
Dried his clothes
Cried his name in prayer so heaven may let him through
And there I will be
Waiting until the moment your own flood comes calling
I will see you
Washed up on heaven’s front steps
God standing at the gates asking if anyone can vouch for
Who you are
And I will step forward
My arms wide open
My skin still drenched
And I will tell Him
You are the reason
I am here. Read the full story »
WHATEVER CAN GO WRONG...
Last two shows of the year. Was supposed to be as simple as just that. The road, however, seemed to have other plans for me.
It had to have started about a month ago when I was planning for the trip. There were two shows: West Virginia University and Maryville College. My agent says I should just fly into one airport and then drive to both schools. Looking at MapQuest, however, showed that both schools were 8 hours apart and I can't drive for more than 4 hours before weariness takes over and I get very sleepy...very dangerously sleepy. I swear I have a slight case of narcolepsy but no one wants to believe me.
So looking at the layout of both schools, I narrowed down to these two options:
1) Fly into Charleston, WV which falls halfway between both schools. This means flying into Charleston on Tuesday, drive 4 hours north to WVU, do the show, spend the night, then drive 8 hours south to Maryville on Wednesday, do the show, spend the night then drive 4 hours north back to Charleston on Thursday and fly home. Total cost for this trip: $390.
-OR-
2) Fly into Pittsburgh, PA on Tuesday, drive just one hour south to WVU, do the show, spend the night then fly to Maryville on Wednesday, do the show then fly home from Maryville on Thursday. Total cost for this trip due to the many flights: $550.
I figured since the difference was only $160 which would have been spent on a car rental had I driven everywhere, I'll just go with option 2 and fly everywhere because I don't want to be spending time driving. Again, it's because I have narcolepsy and no one believes me.
So far so I good. I arrive at Pittsburg, PA around 12pm and settled into the hotel hoping to get some rest before my show that night. Before I do that, however, I decide to call the student activities director at WVU to confirm what time he needed me. When I spoke to him, I told him I was staying in Pittsburgh so I just need to know what time he needs me at the school as I am an hour away. He responds with, "You're not an hour away. You're FOUR hours away."
Mouth drops.
Heart follows.
I ask how this is possible. He says that the school where I'm booked is WVU TECH....in CHARLESTON!!! He says this happens a lot- many artists confuse West Virginia University with West Virginia University Tech. How this got mixed up between me, my agent and my manager, I have no idea. Now I'm realizing why my agent was saying I could have driven between both schools.
Suddenly I'm frantic suddenly realizing that had I went with option 1 (which was also cheaper by the way), none of this would have happened!! So now, I have to drive 4 hours south to the RIGHT school, do the show, then drive 4 hours back north to Pittsburgh because of my hotel and the fact that my flight leaves from there the next day at 7 am. My agents suggests I just drive to the school, stay the night, then drive to Maryville College and drop off the rental car there. Rental car company says it will cost an extra $300 to drop off at a different location. In addition, hotel won't refund the money we spent for the night. And to top it all off, US Airways says that to cancel my flight will cost $180.
Looks like I'm driving 8 hours tonight after all. Mental note: stock up on Red Bull because I have narcolepsy and no one believes me.
It's 1pm and the show is at 7pm. To make it in time, I'll have to be on the road at 3pm. There goes the sleep I was looking forward to.
I take a quick nap, wake up and get ready and start my drive. I forgot to mention that the car charger to my handheld GPS doesn't work. Which means I have to give it a full charge and hope it lasts the 4 hours it takes to get to where I need to be. Luckily, it's one highway all the way down and because of the lifesaving map application on my iPhone, I can bounce between the two.
The road trip wasn't too bad. Scenery was amazing- mountain ranges and the look and smell of autumn which is something we never get here in Florida. Add that to about a pack of Marlboros, a 4 pack of Red Bull, and I'm pretty good so far. I also called Carlos Robson every half hour to chat in the event that something really terrible happens to me and the police come looking, Carlos will know exactly where I was at half hour intervals. Don't judge me. I've watched too many "missing people" shows on TV.
I finally get to WVU Tech and everyone was so accommodating. Prior to the show, however, I wasn't feeling good. I felt very faint and I didn't know why. I felt somewhat nauseous. I call my manager to tell him I was feeling weird and he asks if it's nerves. I know my nerves and how they get before a show and this wasn't it. Add that to the fact that I have 4 Red Bulls in my system and I can't stop thinking about the four hour drive back in the dead of night knowing that I might have narcolepsy and no one believes me and suddenly I'm becoming very afraid of having a panic attack. What if I collapse on stage? Or worse, what if I collapse during my drive back? Remember those "missing people" shows on TV? Yep.
The show went well. No panic attacks and I didn't faint on stage. It was around 9pm when the show ended and I knew I had to get driving back to Pittsburgh. I would have preferred to just stay in Charleston for the night but my flight left from Pittsburgh at 7am so I had no choice but to drive back now. The weird nausea feeling I had somewhat subsided so maybe it WAS just the nerves coupled with Red Bulls.
But of course, the trip won't be that easy just yet.
No. Instead, my GPS decides that instead of leading me back the way I came in, it decides to take me on a different route. Suddenly, I am going through back roads IN THE MOUNTAINS THROUGH THE WOODS. It's dark. It's VERY dark. There are no streetlights. There are no other cars. I am having flashbacks of the "missing people" tv shows. I try to call Carlos. I try to call my wife. I try to call my manager.
I have no signal. Largest 3G network my ass.
I also forgot to mention that every now and then as I am winding through 54 miles of back roads, my headlight will sometimes flash directly to abandoned cabins! There they were- just sitting in the dark. If my car were to die here- if my lights failed- there would be no way I could see anything around me. The Blair Witch movie didn't scare me when I first watched it. Tonight, however, I am crapping my pants. City dwellers like me aren't made for this! (Good news is, my heart is beating so fast that falling asleep at the wheel has become the least of my worries.)
Finally I am out of the mountains and back on the main road 2 hours away from the hotel where I can't wait for the comfort of my own bed. Upon returning, I hurry up to the room, threw my crap down, and fell face first into the bed waiting until my heart stopped beating so fast and then fell asleep waking up just in time for the flight which, of course, would be delayed because, hey, whatever can go wrong, right?
I bet Jay-Z never has to worry about any of this when he travels.
I arrive in Knoxville, TN where I'm picked up by the guys at Maryville College. Finally, I have nothing to worry about anymore since they're picking me up, taking me to my hotel, taking me to my show, then taking me to the airport the next day so I can fly back home. In the car, they ask me, "How's your trip so far?" I let out a sigh because where the hell do I even begin....
(Thank you to both schools: West Virginia University Tech and Maryville College for bringing me out to perform. Despite the craziness of this trip, I had a blast performing for you and will gladly do it again.)
(My hotel in Maryville)
(I love how there's a sign that says "telephone" in case I don't know what this device is)
(Full kitchen. Am I even staying long enough to use it?)
(Gotta love the lonesome roadtrips)
(The guys at Maryville College. They did amazing with the show!)
(Rockstar moment...kinda)
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